by Ingo

Heather asked me to plan one of her baby showers.  Wiley planned the other one in South Bay which I’m sure was a baby shower to end all baby showers.  Actually, I’m really glad I’m posting about this one before she posts about hers!

The only baby shower I’ve attended before Heathers was a quick thing put together in a stranger’s house for someone I didn’t really know.  The only thing I remember from that day was that I willingly submitted to being blindfolded.  Someone stuck my hands in rice where I halfheartedly looked for safety pins.  If aliens are watching us, they are probably writing 100 page theses on why we do this.

I vaguely understood this practice as an activity that had to be done because drinking punch, eating cookies, and making light conversation was not stimulating enough.  However, standing up was far too stimulating so women had to think of things to do while sitting down.

As I was planning Heather’s shower, I toyed with a few ideas that seemed more fun than finding safety pins in rice.  Those ideas involved women wrestling each other with their shirts stuffed with pillows and exercise weights strapped to their ankles, with Heather belligerently refereeing.  We would feel empathy for pregnancy and Heather would get to see a bunch of her friends wrestle!  This idea, however, violated the law that not sitting is far too stimulating for women during the afternoon.

As I was thinking about activities to plan for the shower, I had an epiphany about why women plan showers.  Check it:  I have the power to make these women do whatever I want as long as they are sitting down.  WHATEVER.  I.  WANT.  And they would submit to it as long as their surroundings were decorated nicely with cute things.  So what did I make them do?  I made them eat baby food and diaper, while I watched smugly from a corner.  Granted, Heather would have probably been game to do both those things even if it wasn’t a baby shower.  That is why I love her.

First, the cute things strewn about:

Because watching smugly from a corner wasn’t enough, I had to take trophy pictures and share them all with you.

What? NO! They’re having fun?  This isn’t going as I planned.

Our MC for the day, looking resplendent while she makes people listen to Justin Bieber and Brittany Spears.

The beautiful mother to be.  She’s going to be so good at this… clearly.